It is part of my personality to be in control and organize. I have observed this trait recently when planning an event with friends, one of whom took on the responsibility of being the leader. However, when no planning emails came forth in what I thought was the appropriate timeline, I jumped the gun and emailed the group to get the ball rolling. Afterwards I realized that this hurt the feelings of the person who was the leader. And it shifted the role of leadership back onto me. Which is what I am comfortable with. Being. In. Charge.
I utilize this personality trait to cover up my vulnerability. Others look to me as a leader, and I am a capable leader. But sometimes I want others lead and I have a hard time asking for the help that I need, and/or letting someone else be in charge and do things their way. I find it hard to not judge their ideas, which may be different from mine, as wrong, or inferior.
In so many aspects of my life I could and probably should release control and allow others, or other forces, to guide me. By not allowing this, I realize that I am closing off my mind to opportunities to see things from a different perspective. I am also not tapping in to so many other resources that are available, the minds and experiences of other people, as well as my own inner wisdom.
I guess it boils down to the To-Do Lists I mentioned in my blog about the Day 1 Challenge. I make a list and get satisfaction from crossing the items off the list. Quickly. On Schedule. If someone else is in charge, the item may not get crossed off when I think it should. Or ever.
Lists are good for grocery shopping. Perhaps I need to explore new ways to guide myself through other aspects of life.
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