Now that I have had time to think about it, I understand her tears. We have lived in this house for 17 happy years. Seventeen years during which all our our extended family has had accommodation in the city whenever they needed it. Our city house has been centrally located for all our out of town family who had city doctor appointments, who were flying out of town on vacation, who were enroute to another destination by car, but needed a stopover. It has also been in Chuckles' family for 30 years, so there is a lot of nostalgia attached to it. It seems my big life change is affecting everyone.
Combine my mother's tears with my son's query "I hope you had digging out the Japanese maple written into the contract" referring to the tree gracing our front yard that the boys bought for me when it was barely a twig. And which Seymour the dog desperately tried to unearth when he was a puppy! When I said they could just buy me another for the new place, he declared that it wouldn't be the same. He's right.
Japanese Maple in our front yard
With the city house sold, and a move out date now carved in stone, I am wondering " is this all a big mistake?` Am I being selfish in making this decision that affects so many people?
Walking around our city neighborhood on Wednesday evening, enjoying the cool air after the heat of the day, I realized just how much there is that I will miss when I am gone.
The lovely woodsy trails around the school fields and Loutet Park. The huge garden at the end of the Park, now designated Loutet Farm with their gates sales of produce.
Footbridge in trails
The Loutet Farm sign
Setting sun shining through the trees along the trail
Since the deal is done there is no turning back, which makes leaving, once so exciting a prospect, now very bittersweet.
I understand my Mom's tears, as I feel my own right now, possibly for different reasons. She is afraid of me being farther away, less accessible, and what that might mean. I see now that we are leaving a neighborhood we have enjoyed for the past 17 years and the future is a big unknown, which is scary and exciting all at once.
There's only one way to face it, and that's with the expectation that it's going to be great and we will make new memories in our new home.